“Connection before Correction”
This book is so needed that I have already recommended it three times – and I only finished reading it a few hours ago!
The formal summary would be that it gives parents a roadmap to follow after their teenager has been diagnosed with ADHD. The relaxed summary would be that it offers you a conversation from someone who has your back guiding you, and your teen, through what might be a really tricky period in their life.
When I refer athletes to get a private diagnosis (if they can get one through the NHS then brilliant but Professional athletes have limited time in a sporting career and sometimes wait lists will be years long) I will guide them towards companies who don’t just give a diagnosis and a few website links to check out but those who give great reports. This report can be really important , much more important than the label, because they can highlight all the areas you might struggle with and can give clear advice on how to handle them. If you don’t get this full report Pippa’s book will help you navigate the ‘what next.’
Pippa reassures that the goal isn’t perfection (maybe ironic considering perfectionism is often so strong in ADHD) but to make life a little easier for everyone through scaffolding, connection, understanding and collaboration. .
The into to chapter 2 gives an excellent summary of ADHD “AHDH means your brain finds it harder to regulate attention, motivation, impulse and emotion especially when something feels boring, unclear or overwhelming” and the book follows this theme taking areas where teens will feel bored, overwhelmed or unclear and offering really practical tools and strategies you can start to use immediately.
To do this:
- Chapter 2 looks at the key traits: Attention, impulsivity, hyperactivity, executive functioning and emotional regulation but puts them into practice showing what exactly you might see in your teen being driven by that trait. It includes some scripted sections so you can see how to have tender conversations in a non-confrontational way.
- There is a chapter on how to manage yourself while supporting a teen with ADHD (Chapter 3). This includes my favourite quote from the book: connection needs to come before correction.
- Pippa works from an approach called ACT. I use this approach too as I did it takes so much tension out of difficult situations. With ACT we are not trying to squash or ignore difficult feelings – we are learning to notice and sit alongside them – and still do the things we really want to do in the service of what is important to us.
- Pippa gives practical tools that you can try straight away. In particular l I loved pages 53-55 which have a ‘regulation menu’: 28 different things you could immediately try to help you reset and regulate yourself. So while Pippa has written this book for parents of teens with ADHD it is crammed full of nuggets that could help anyone parenting a teen. They are all good, solid practical tools that help with emotional regulation and connection.
- Chapter 4 covers the core elements of wellbeing needed for any teen to thrive: Sleep, routines, diet, exercise and organisation.
- Chapter 5 helps you work with your teen to make sticky habits.
- Chapter 6 is the one you’ll go back to time and time again. It breaks down the biggest issues your teen might have (Homework, Focus and attention, Transitions, Morning routines, Emotional regulation, Motivation and Screen time and technology) and provides specific, practical tactics on how to help.
- Chapter 7 is about advocating and helping school work for an ADHD teen.
Towards the end Pippa highlights some key points that sum up her approach and may become your parenting manifesto… - Anchor yourself first
- Work with the ADHD brain not against it
- Validate before responding
- Connect before correcting
- Use consistent systems not constant reminders
- Accept the present while working towards change.
- Being kind to yourself.
ADHD: One Step at a Time is available here: One Step at a Time: A Parent’s Roadmap from ADHD Diagnosis to Calm and Connection with Their Teen: Moran, Dr Pippa: 9798251236194: Amazon.com: Books
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